FebulousFebruary 2025: Lost and Found

To My Childhood Self

You remember the Russian Dolls don’t you? You played with them often when you were little, opening them, lining them up, then putting them all back one inside the other, the tiny baby, the small girl, the teenager, the woman. It was just a game then, one you played alongside climbing trees, playing cricket with the boys, walking along the tops of high walls. You were brave, you were strong, you were a warrior.

Although you didn’t know it you would change the world, not single handed but collectively with your tribe. You would learn to stand up for what is right; to refuse to conform to what was expected of a young ‘lady’, to find your own path. There would be many twists and turns on that path, many dead ends. There will be battles to fight and wrongs to overcome, never shirk them, never turn your back and walk away. Be brave, be strong, be the warrior.

You’ll love learning and will absorb information like a sponge but nothing intellectual can prepare you for the rejection by your first love that will cut you to the quick. She was older and you worshipped her but she moved on. Others would take her place and you will break hearts yourself, until one day the love of your life will shatter yours into a million pieces. The pain will stay with you forever but eventually you’ll forgive her and yourself. For you are brave, you are strong, you are a warrior.

Look at your hands, though you don’t know it yet they will hold babies whom you will nurture. Those hands will help the passage out of this life of two close friends and they will bring your granddaughter into the world. They will comfort friends who in turn will comfort you. They will build and they will create. You will save a life and in turn your life will be saved, people will depend on you and you will not let them down because you are brave, you are strong and you are a warrior.

As you grow watch your body change, be proud of it but don’t worry what others think. Your body is built to carry you through your journey. Yes it needs nurture, yes it will need repair sometimes, but it doesn’t need adornment it is perfect as it is. Learn to love yourself, not in an arrogant way but in knowing that you are important, your presence was meant to be. Stand tall and look ahead but be aware of each moment, life will pass by in a heartbeat.

One day you will be me, the Babushka, the grandmother, the biggest of all the dolls and inside you will be all the others. You will contain them and help the next young lives to grow. If you look behind you will see the footprints in the wet sand where you have walked, just waiting for the next incoming tide to wash them away. Hold my hand little warrior and be brave.

Kate Field