FebulousFebruary 2025: Lost and Found

Harm

Do you ever or have you ever considered harming yourself?

So asks the friendly whilst distant and contained person on the other end of the phone.

‘No’ I say and then ‘well maybe a bit when I was a teenager’

I have always said I would never put my friends and family through that and I still feel that. But now we’ve got the experience of someone who could and did, I’m upset but I don’t really have a capacity for the anger it just sits right there, a solar plexus of nausea wrapped up with tears that never quite make it out. I’m too weary and silenced by the knowledge of the choice you made and a depth of fatigue which never lightens and never leaves, I don’t want to sit here with these thoughts so I won’t, I’m going, not like you went, now, get the fuck out of my head.

Janet Jones , Brighton